Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Kerrfunk's AM adventures
So I woke up at 3 am. Couldn't get back to sleep, so I thought "I'll be useful. I'll go to the grocery store, since we don't have milk or orange juice for breakfast anyway"
Get in the car, radio turns on and I hear the 4-in-the-morning talk show host ask:
"So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"
Thankfully the answer followed pretty quickly.
"Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."
Ah. Thank you. I pull over to write this down on the grocery list before my sleepy brain distorts this truth.
And so, I translate:
Question: "So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"
Translation: "I'm a four-in-the-morning AM talk radio host. They put me here because I'm not good enough to have a slot during the day. Guess what that makes you, my esteemed guest? That's right: believe it or not, you are more pathetic than I; I at least have my own talk show."
Answer: "Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."
Translation: "You just do. It's like the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, it just doesn't matter. It's like the missing moon-landing tapes: you just have to take our word for it that what we tell you is true."
Alternate translation #1: "Deep within you is a special power which detects concentrated levels of darkness in the world. When concentrated darkness (i.e. psychic vampires) approach you your bat-sensors go off and you know. Duh. I can teach you this for six low payments of $19.99."
Alternate translation #2: "What's the difference between an orange?"
Alternate translations are invited. Just send me a special one-time payment of $19.99 to submit your translation. You'll also receive some free psychic garlic, with psychic vampire repelling powers, along with instructions on creating your own psychic wooden stake. Psychic silver bullets by special order only.
My wife read the account and emailed me:
"Am I really MARRIED to you??" What WAS that all about? You put WAY too much thought into weird stuff! I'm happy to married to you anyway. Life would be very boring otherwise! xoxo, Mrs. Kerrfunk
Get in the car, radio turns on and I hear the 4-in-the-morning talk show host ask:
"So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"
Thankfully the answer followed pretty quickly.
"Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."
Ah. Thank you. I pull over to write this down on the grocery list before my sleepy brain distorts this truth.
And so, I translate:
Question: "So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"
Translation: "I'm a four-in-the-morning AM talk radio host. They put me here because I'm not good enough to have a slot during the day. Guess what that makes you, my esteemed guest? That's right: believe it or not, you are more pathetic than I; I at least have my own talk show."
Answer: "Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."
Translation: "You just do. It's like the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, it just doesn't matter. It's like the missing moon-landing tapes: you just have to take our word for it that what we tell you is true."
Alternate translation #1: "Deep within you is a special power which detects concentrated levels of darkness in the world. When concentrated darkness (i.e. psychic vampires) approach you your bat-sensors go off and you know. Duh. I can teach you this for six low payments of $19.99."
Alternate translation #2: "What's the difference between an orange?"
Alternate translations are invited. Just send me a special one-time payment of $19.99 to submit your translation. You'll also receive some free psychic garlic, with psychic vampire repelling powers, along with instructions on creating your own psychic wooden stake. Psychic silver bullets by special order only.
My wife read the account and emailed me:
"Am I really MARRIED to you??" What WAS that all about? You put WAY too much thought into weird stuff! I'm happy to married to you anyway. Life would be very boring otherwise! xoxo, Mrs. Kerrfunk
# posted by Kerrfunk @ 6:33 AM 
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OK, so I am a little slow- since you posted this in August and I am just reading it today- but anyhow...I LOVE the way your brain works!! You are amazing...And where do I send my 19.99?
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