Kerrfunk

So I woke up at 3 am. Couldn't get back to sleep, so I thought "I'll be useful. I'll go to the grocery store, since we don't have milk or orange juice for breakfast anyway"

Get in the car, radio turns on and I hear the 4-in-the-morning talk show host ask:
"So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"

Thankfully the answer followed pretty quickly.
"Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."

Ah. Thank you. I pull over to write this down on the grocery list before my sleepy brain distorts this truth.


And so, I translate:

Question: "So how do you know if you're being approached by a psychic vampire?"

Translation: "I'm a four-in-the-morning AM talk radio host. They put me here because I'm not good enough to have a slot during the day. Guess what that makes you, my esteemed guest? That's right: believe it or not, you are more pathetic than I; I at least have my own talk show."


Answer: "Well, basically it depends on your sense of intuition."

Translation: "You just do. It's like the points on Whose Line Is It Anyway?, it just doesn't matter. It's like the missing moon-landing tapes: you just have to take our word for it that what we tell you is true."

Alternate translation #1: "Deep within you is a special power which detects concentrated levels of darkness in the world. When concentrated darkness (i.e. psychic vampires) approach you your bat-sensors go off and you know. Duh. I can teach you this for six low payments of $19.99."

Alternate translation #2: "What's the difference between an orange?"



Alternate translations are invited. Just send me a special one-time payment of $19.99 to submit your translation. You'll also receive some free psychic garlic, with psychic vampire repelling powers, along with instructions on creating your own psychic wooden stake. Psychic silver bullets by special order only.



My wife read the account and emailed me:
"Am I really MARRIED to you??" What WAS that all about? You put WAY too much thought into weird stuff! I'm happy to married to you anyway. Life would be very boring otherwise! xoxo, Mrs. Kerrfunk

Enjoy Your Coffee.

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups - porcelain, plastic, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

All the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. Be assured that the cup itself, adds no quality to the coffee in most cases, just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink.

What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups...and then began eyeing each other's cups.

Now consider this: Life is the coffee, and the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us."

God brews the coffee, not the cups...enjoy your coffee!

Good book. Fun book. I just re-read it and thoroughly enjoyed it again.

Then I went to a discussion site about the book and my eyes were opened to the incredible depth of the story! I thought it was about the amazing survival of a castaway. O.M.G. It is so much more, so much more.

Wow.